


How to feel: a beginners' class by Letho of Gulet

by BetaRay_Bill, Ledgea



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Humor, Letho teaches feelings, M/M, More like tumblr prompts style shorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetaRay_Bill/pseuds/BetaRay_Bill, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ledgea/pseuds/Ledgea
Summary: Guxart is horrified when he finds out how the wolves of Kaer Morhen deal with their so-called "feelings". He decides he needs help from the most emotionally competent person he knows.
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Gaetan/Letho z Gulety | Letho of Gulet, Guxart/Vesemir (The Witcher)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 95





	1. Identyfing the problem

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A bad case of feelings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249193) by [Ledgea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ledgea/pseuds/Ledgea). 



> So in the comments of Ledgeas latest fic (which you should all read btw), we got to talking and this spawned from it. This is probably gonna be all or mostly dialogue. No idea how long it's going to be but probably until we run out of ideas and/or motivation.  
> If you have any ideas or similar don't hesitate to comment.

Guxart and Vesemir are in love. Or at least Guxart is in love. Vesemir might have some problems with that concept. He'll get there eventually, Guxart is certain. After all, it has only been a century. And Vesemir hasn't run at all in the last three decades. Guxart is very proud.

They meet up each year as soon as the pups and kittens leave their respective mentors in peace. To kiss, sometimes. But more importantly, to gossip. This year, as it has been for the last couple of years they eventually reach and get stuck on Lambert and Aiden and what Guxart calls their feelings for each other. Vesemir mostly calls it their problem.

**Guxart** : "...and he kept moaning his name and somehow still hasn't realized that he loves Lambert. And he now wants to cuddle all the time. This is all your fault."

He takes a small sip from a bottle of unidentified alcohol.

**Vesemir** : "Well Lambert was sulking the entire winter because he was sure the cat didn't love him, all without realizing why he wants him around. And then he broke Geralt's nose for trying to tease him. Afterwards Geralt was sulking too. And I was stuck all winter in a sulky keep. So if anything this is really your fault."

He too drinks.

**Guxart** : "As if you ever minded a good sulk."

**Vesemir** : "I do if it's not me doing the sulking."

**Guxart** : "Look, It's obviously Lambert who needs to make the first move here. Can't you talk to your pup?"

**Vesemir** : "Talk!!?? What!? No?! We don't talk. Ever. Maybe I can sulk at his side to support him. Would that help?"

**Guxart** , _tired muttering_ : "This explains so much!!"

He gulps down most of the bottle.

Probably the next day, though possibly later, Guxart certainly doesn't know:

**Guxart** : "Look if you could just stop advising your students on how to sulk better, they are already the best at it."

**Vesemir** , _wiping away a tear_ : "And I couldn't be more proud."

Later that year:

**Guxart** _to Aiden when he comes back_ : "Sorry, Kitten, I tried. The gods know I tried, but Wolves..."

**Gaetan** , _proudly, in the background_ : "My Viper can talk and isn't a constipated asshole!"

**Aiden and Guxart** : "Shut it, Gaetan!"

**Other assorted cat witchers** : "Not this again! We know!"

Meanwhile, or years ago, or maybe always, at Kaer Morhen:

**Geralt** : "No, no, no. You need to glare a bit more. Like you want to igni the other person!"

**Vesemir** : "Your grunts need to be deeper. Haughtily raise your head too."

**Horrified Eskel** , _who's the only Wolf who can speak about his feelings, even if it's only for five seconds before he becomes ill_ : "What are you two teaching the pup?"

**Lambert** , _glaring at Eskel, his fingers shaping the igni sign, gravelly voice deeper than usual_ : "I'm. Not. A. Pup."

**Eskel** : "Oh, by the gods."

**Geralt and Vesemir** , _thumbs-up_ : "Perfect."

**Eskel** , _who can't help himself, he knows how to sulk too_ : "Almost perfect. Once you're done, you just need to look the other way. No, keep your head raised."

Lambert repeats himself, turning his head once he's done.

**Geralt, Vesemir and Eskel** , _awed whispering_ : "Perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small ideas that didn't fit in the fic:
> 
> Lambert, thinking himself very sneaky about his "maybe-friend": "And then I, totally on my own, without any encouragement from others, cheated at gwent, starting a bar brawl."
> 
> Vesemir, in the know: "I really have to talk to Guxart about what kind of influence Aiden is on my pup."
> 
> Later Guxart only narrowly managed to stop Vesemir from running from him for the first time in 30 years after the argument over whose son was the bad influence.


	2. Palming off the problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More madness, enjoy :D

As always, in autumn before the first snow falls Guxart visits Vesemir for a second time that year. To kiss. And certainly nothing else. What are you implying? And even that is more than their kids can ever imagine their mentors doing.  
And maybe they forget the time while kissing all day. As can happen. All this to say that on one of these days, that is, now that Guxart is considering it, certainly colder than it normally is, when he leaves a horrified voice suddenly sounds while he is kissing Vesemir. And thankfully for once they actually were only kissing.

 **Lambert** : "What are you doing with my dad?"

 **Vesemir** : "Dad?"

 **Lambert** : "I meant my fathe-, my mento-, my Vesemir. No not mine. Just Vesemir. What are you doing with Vesemir, who is certainly neither mine nor my father and certainly not someone I would ever consider calling dad?"

 **Guxart** : "Well you see I was kissing him."

 **Lambert** :" Impossible, Vesemir is ancient, he doesn’t kiss."

 **Guxart** : "What if I now tell you that not only does Vesemir kiss, but that we actually have done other stuff too?"

 **Lambert** : "I certainly do not need to hear about you and Vesemir cuddling with each other."

 **Guxart** : "I didn’t mean cuddling, I meant-"

 **Vesemir** : "Guxart! Please consider what kind of first impression you are making right now."

 **Lambert** : "Wait, Guxart? Like Aiden's dad? No, not dad, his fathe- his mento-, well you know what I mean."

 **Guxart** : "Well, yes."

 **Lambert** : "No you can’t be Aiden's Guxart. Because if you are kissing Vesemir and Aiden is my -, my Aiden then -, well I don’t like it."

Later that winter:

 **Vesemir** : "I know you are happy about finally meeting my pups but could you maybe stop lecturing them?"

 **Guxart** , _lecturing_ : "…and you should really talk more about your feelings. Take Gaethan’s Boyfriend Letho for example. Gaetan always tells me how he is so emotionally competent. You should all try to be more like Letho."

 **Eskel** : "Isn’t Letho a kingslayer?"

 **Guxart** : "Yes, but he is an emotionally stable kingslayer, able to communicate his feelings."

 **Lambert** : "I, for one, certainly don’t have anything as stupid as feelings."

 **Guxart** : "This is gonna be harder than I thought. I think it’s time to call in an expert for next year."

Sometime the next year with the Dyn Marv caravan:

 **Guxart** : "Gaetan, I need to borrow Letho for a while ?"

 **Gaetan** : "Ask Letho, I'm not his keeper."

 **Guxart** : "Letho, I need your help."

 **Letho** , _who desperately wants to impress Gaetan's elder_ : "Sure. What is it?"

 **Guxart** , _certain he has a brilliant idea_ : "I want you to teach a class about dealing with one's feelings."

 **Gaetan** : "Who is this class for?"

 **Guxart** : "The wolves."

 **Aiden** : "Not that I don’t agree that they could use it, but are you sure that’s a good idea?"

 **Guxart** : "It’s a cat idea."

_Everyone nods understandingly._

**Letho** : "A cat idea?"

 **Dragonfly** : "It’s either gonna go perfectly or absolutely crash and burn. Can I come watch?"


	3. First crack at the problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And chapter three!!  
> Enjoy!!

Start of the winter, Kaer Morhen:

 **Vesemir** : "Guxart, why have you brought a small mountain troll with you?"

 **Geralt** : "Hm."

 **Vesemir** : " _That’s_ Letho?! Okay then, why have you brought Letho with you?"

 **Guxart** , _smiling innocently_ : "He is going to give feelings lesson this winter."

 **Vesemir** : "Not if I don’t let him in, he isn’t."

 **Guxart** : "If you don’t let him in I won’t touch you all winter."

 **Lambert** , _still in denial_ : "Vesemir, he is threatening to withhold cuddles!"

 **Vesemir** : "Okay he can come in but I want it to be marked down that it was under great duress."

 **Eskel** , _already holding a notepad_ : "Noted."

Later:

Guxart has sweet-talked, bribed and in one specific case threatened all the wolves into the library for Letho’s very first lesson:

 **Letho** : "Dealing with one's feelings. Lection 1: Accept that you, as a witcher, still have feelings."

 **Geralt** , _dubious_ : "Hm."

 **Lambert** , _angrily_ : "I have never had a single feeling in my life! How dare you tell me differently! And even if I had feelings, I would only have angry ones!"

 **Vesemir** _*sulking*_

 **Eskel** _, taking notes :_ "Fascinating, please continue."

 **Letho** _: "I might have underestimated this job. If this is what it takes to get in Guxarts good graces it is not worth it."_

_Meanwhile, with the Dyn Marv caravan:_

**Gaetan** _, whining, a week after Letho left with Guxart :_ "I miss hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim."

_The other Cats all ignore him._

**Gaetan** _:_ "Why did the old fucker have to kidnap my Viper ?"

_All the Cats look at each other and ignore him._

**Aiden** _, moaning in a cart nearby :_ "Lambert."

 **Gaetan** _jumps up, runs at the cart and climbs in while Aiden scrambles to cover himself :_ "You. You know where Kaer Morhen is."

 **Aiden** _, pissed and breathless :_ "Privacy? Ever heard of that concept ?"

 **Gaetan** _, urgently :_ "Kaer Morhen ?"

 **Aiden** _:_ "Yes. What's with Kaer Morhen ?"

 **Gaetan** _:_ "I'm launching an invasion and you're coming with me!"

 **Dragonfly** _, definitely not invited into that cart :_ "Sounds like fun, I’m coming with. This is the best story I have heard in the last three decades ever since Vesemir stopped running from Guxart. And I was never allowed to come for that. I’m definitely not missing this!"

 **Gaetan** : "You can’t come, someone has to stay with the rest."

 **Dragonfly** : "I will murder you if you don't take me with you! And then you’ll never see Letho again.”

 **Gaetan** : "Okay, so she’s coming with us. End of discussion.”

 **Aiden** : "No that's fair. That threat would have worked against me as well."

 **Gaetan** , _suspicious_ : "Why do you want to see Letho so bad?"

 **Aiden** : “…..Lambert, Gaetan, Lambert.”

 **Gaetan** :"Oh, nevermind then."

About a week later, Kaer Morhen:

 **Letho** : "Okay I think we are ready to try and talk about our emotions now. Remember honesty is key. I'll start. I'm feeling very annoyed that all of you are just the absolute worst. Vesemir?"

 **Vesemir** _*still sulking*_

 **Letho** : "Sooooo annoyed. Anyway Eskel, why don't you try?"

 **Eskel** , _trying very hard_ : "I am feeling an emotion. It's an emotive emotion full of feelings."

 **Letho** : "Thank you Eskel! Maybe tomorrow we can try actually naming that emotion. Lambert?"

_*Lambert slowly looks left and right*_

**Letho** : " And remember stabby is not an emotion."

_*Lambert jumps out of the window*_

**Letho** : "Okay Geralt. You are my last hope. Don't let me down."

 **Geralt** : "Hm."

 **Letho** : "Am I going crazy or did this actually make sense? Also, can someone go check on Lambert? We are on the fourth floor."


	4. The problem with diaries

_Kaer Morhen :_

**Letho** : "Lambert, you do know that anger is an emotion, right?"

 **Lambert** _with his most horrified face_ : "What!?! Who decided that? It's not true! Lies and slander! Betrayal!"

 **Letho** : "And if you can experience anger, you can experience other feelings too. Nice feelings."

 **Lambert** : "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Vesemir, help ! Letho says I caught feelings! How do I get rid of them! Vesemiiiiiiiiiiiiir!!"

 **Letho** , _thinking :_ _*I could now tell him that he also is very obviously in love with Aiden but I think that might actually explode his little head.*_

 **Letho** _out loud, sarcastically_ : "Well, you could always try repressing them again. That seems to have worked well for you so far."

 **Lambert** : "Great idea, thanks Letho!"

 **Letho** : "NO!!!"

 **Eskel** , _to the side_ : _*taking notes, possibly feeling feelings*_

 **Letho** : “Note to self : Avoid sarcasm at all cost. By the way, Eskel, what are you writing there?"

 **Eskel** : “It’s my diary I’ve started this winter, why?”

 **Letho** : “Can I see?”

_Eskel's diary :_

Day 0 : "Letho was let into the keep under great duress. I don't know why he was even allowed inside. Lambert said something about cuddles. He probably misunderstood again."

Day 1  : "Letho says that we all have feelings. I'm not sure I believe him."

Day 2 : "I think I feel. I don't know what though."

Day 5 : "Geralt smiled at me today. My heart pounded in my chest and I kissed him. Letho says that was me experiencing feelings. I'm pretty sure it's not, it's my usual state when I'm around Geralt."

Day 10 : “I punched Lambert because he deserved it, not because I was angry at him."  
 _Scribbled note by **Letho**_ : "He stole and hid the horse figurine Geralt gifted you when you were kids. You were angry. And anger is a feeling."  
 _ **Geralt** 's scribbled note :_ "Hm."

Lambert may or may not get a second black eye at dinner from Geralt. It really depends on how fast he can run.

**Letho** : “Okay, apart from this disaster I really like this diary idea, I wonder if I can implement this?”

 **Letho** , _later in his own diary_ :

Dear diary,

It is possible that diaries only work if the person writing them actually takes it seriously, because that’s what the non-Eskels wrote in theirs :

Geralt has written 'hm' in his exactly once. The rest are doodles of Roach. I’m going to try to convince him that he might feel some emotions about her next. Wish me luck.

Vesemir uses his to scribble unflattering pictures of me. And normally I’d try to stab him for that but the reason I’m doing this is because I really need to get in Guxart's good graces before I can propose to Gaetan. And I’m pretty sure that stabbing Vesemir might be counterproductive. It’d be really satisfying though. Maybe I could discreetly spit in his porridge instead. Mmm. Idea to ponder.

Lambert burned his diary the second I gave it to him all without breaking eye contact for a moment. He says it was worth burning his fingers for.

I’m going to have to try something else tomorrow.

Love,

Letho

Later :

 **Letho** : "Geralt, what are your thoughts on Roach?"

 **Geralt** : "Hm."

 **Letho** : "Yes, she's your horse. Anything else you want to add?"

 **Geralt** : "Hm."

 **Letho** : "She understands you. Of course. Do you think that maybe you could have emotions where she's concerned?"

 **Geralt** , _horrified_ : "Hm."

 **Letho** : "I know it's hard, but maybe ?"

 **Geralt** : "Fuck."

 **Letho** : "No, don't panic, you don't need to get rid of her!"

_Geralt runs away._

**Letho** : "Okay. Yes. I'll let you think about it!"

 _Distant_ **Eskel** _voice_ : "Letho!!!! Why is Geralt hyperventilating under my bed! He said you told him to get rid of Roach! You heartless monster!"

 **Letho** : " _Oh, for fuck's sake!_ "

Elsewhere, possibly on the way to Kaer Morhen :

 **Gaetan** , _writing in his diary_ :

Dear diary,

I hate you but I need someone sane to talk to while I’m stuck with Aiden and Dragonfly without Letho around.

Today was terrible. I’m not sure Aiden actually knows where we are going - he spends his time flipping over the scribbled instructions his Wolf gave him two years ago like they'll make more sense upside down, he's fucking HOPELESS - and I’m pretty sure Dragonfly is trying to confuse him at every crossroads. If it goes on like this we will probably reach Kaer Morhen by way of Nilfgaard.

I’m sure that without either Dragonfly or Aiden we would get there much faster.

Maybe I can throw one of them into a necker nest tomorrow. I’ll have to decide who first though.

I’m sure Letho doesn’t have to deal with people as idiotic as this.

Hate,

Gaetan


	5. Problematic idiots

Kaer Morhen:

 **Letho** : "New approach today. Mime the feeling."

 **Vesemir** , _looks at Guxart lurking in a corner of the room_ : "We're not clowns !"

 **Letho** , _ignoring the interruption_ : "So, we'll start with an easy one. Anger. I want you to mime being angry."

 **Lambert** , _angrily_ : "I don't want to mime anger! I hate these lessons! You are stupid and ugly!"

 **Letho** : "Very good Lambert you are really starting to get this, but could you try to tone down the hurtful comments?"

 **Eskel** , _thinking about it really hard, bursting into tears_

 **Letho** : "Eskel I appreciate the effort but you seem to be mimicking sadness."

 **Geralt** , _fretting_ : "Hm. Hm. Hm."

 **Letho** , _taking a step back_ : "That sounded angry enough. Good."

 **Vesemir** _has Guxart pinned with his murder stare._

 **Letho** , _sweating_ : "Good. Good. Time to do another one. Happiness !"

 **Lambert** , _getting his daggers out._

 **Vesemir** _still glaring at Guxart._

 **Eskel** , _the tears just won't stop._

 **Geralt** , _angry fretting_ : "Hm. Hm. HM. HM."

 **Letho** , _fleeing_ : "That still needs to be worked on! I'm taking a quick break!"

_A dagger flies his way and embeds itself in the door frame._

**Letho** : "That is not a sign of happiness, Lambert !"

 **Guxart** : "Not so sure about that. He is smiling."

 **Lambert** : "You take that back before I make you."

 **Guxart** _quickly joins Letho outside of the library._

Meanwhile somewhere else:

 **Gaetan** : "I think we might be finally getting close. At least it’s actually cold at night and the land is getting more hilly.”

 **Dragonfly** , _wearing a flower necklace and a sunhat_ : “I don’t understand why we couldn’t stay in Nilfgaard. I liked it there. It was warm and sunny. Unlike here."

 **Gaetan** : “Because Nilfgaard doesn’t have Letho in it!”

Kaer Morhen, again:

 **Letho** : "You! Yes, you!"

 **Vesemir** , _cornered squeaks_ : "Me ?"

 **Letho** , _growling_ : "Yes, you. I just saw Eskel. He was cuddling his goat."

 **Vesemir** _, wary_ : "Good for him?"

 **Letho** : "So I told him that he looked happy and do you know what he answered me?"

 **Vesemir** : "Um. Thanks?"

 **Letho** : "As if. He told me that happiness was a troll' sickness and that, despite what Lambert likes to tell, he isn't a troll. Who the fuck taught him something that stupid?"

 **Vesemir** , _relieved_ : "Oh. That wasn't me. It was something old Barmin used to say."

 **Letho** , _exasperated_ : "You Wolves can be so fucking stupid! Why didn't you ever tell him the truth?"

 **Vesemir** , _appalled_ : "Do you mean to say that old Barmin was wrong??!"

 **Letho** : "That explains so so much..."

 **Letho** : "So old Barmin what was he like?"

 **Vesemir** : "Well you know. Very old. He had suffered a head injury and that's why he stayed at Kaer Morhen instead of going out. Sometimes he'd get confused and think that he had been magically turned into a unicorn. Very wise. A good teacher."

 **Letho** : "A unicorn???"

 **Vesemir** : “Well sometimes it was also a dragon."

 **Letho** : "And you never had the thought that some of what he was teaching you may have been wrong?!?"

 **Vesemir** : "Well. He was actually known as Barmin the Wise."

 **Letho** : "Okay if he was known as the wise please never tell me what the other instructors were like."

 **Vesemir** : "Rennes, he was our head of school, was named the Insightful because he always seemed to know what everyone was thinking. On a lighter note, we also had Qvern the Drowner Fucker."

 **Letho** : "I didn't want to know!"

 **Vesemir** : "I'm pretty sure he didn't actually fuck a downer. But you know, gossip."

 **Letho** , _desperate to change the topic_ : "Did you have a nickname ?"

 **Vesemir** , _proudly_ : "I was dubbed the Lithe."

 **Letho** : "Do I want to ask ?"

 **Guxart** , _sticking his head out of the chimney, leering_ : "Depends on what you think about oversharing."

 **Letho** , _hoping to change the topic again_ : “And the others?”

 **Vesemir** : “Well, Geralt was known as ‘the Black’, after he died his hair during his emo-phase. Lambert was called ‘the Little Shit’, because, well you know Lambert. He tried to change his epithet but it stuck. He shouldn’t have been such a little shit, I guess. And Eskel was called ‘the Goat Weirdo’. That was because he was already obsessed with goats even then, of course, but after the whole thing with Qvern and the drowner there might have been a bit of a misunderstanding there between some of the other witchers.”

 **Letho** , _weirded out, runs off._

Later, actually outside of Kaer Morhen:

 **Dragonfly** , _breathless_ : "Here we are! The famed wolf keep!"

 **Gaetan** , _salivating_ : "I can already smell Letho's sweet fragrance."

 **Aiden** , _daydreaming_ : "I can already picture Lambert's strong arms around my waist."

 **Dragonfly** , _slapping the back of their heads_ : "You're disgusting, the both of you! Now concentrate on sneaking in."

 **Gaetan** : "The wall there seems good to climb."

_They climb the wall and find themselves on the stables' roof with a clear view of the kitchen_

**Gaetan** : "Oh! There's Guxart! At least we have the right castle."

 **Dragonfly** : "You had doubts ?!"

 **Gaetan** : "We have been following Aiden."

 **Dragonfly** , _humming_ : "Fair."

 **Aiden** , _seeing Lambert in the kitchen, tries to get up to join him._

 **Gaetan** : "No!"

 **Dragonfly** : "Stop it! We're supposed to sneak in!"

 **Gaetan** _trips Aiden._

 **Aiden** _falls down the stables and they hear him land on mud._

 **Aiden** : "........... I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

 **Gaetan** : "Shut up!"

 **Aiden** , _angry whisper_ : "Hey! Stop that! No! Not my pants! You fiend! I'm going to skewer you! Ouch! That was my belly! No, my paaaaaaaaaaaaants!"

 **Dragonfly** , _eyebrows raised in concern_ : "What are they keeping down there?"

 **Gaetan** : "Do you really want to know?"

 **Aiden** , _urgent whisper_ : "Help! Please, brother! Sister! I'm being..."

 **Dragonfly** , _muttering to Gaetan_ : "You were the one who pushed him down there. Go help him !"

 **Gaetan** : "What? No! I didn't come here to be eaten or fucked by the Wolves' pet."

 **Dragonfly** : "Ugh. Hey, Aiden, are you being eaten or getting fucked down there ?"

 **Aiden** , _incoherent gabbling._

A little while later:

 **Aiden** , _flinging himself into Lambert's room missing pants_ : "Lambert! I missed you!"

 **Lambert** , _evading Aiden's hug but staring at his ass_ : "Nice outfit, but you certainly do stink! What did you do?"

 **Aiden** : "Gaetan pushed me into the lair of Kaer Morhen's most horrible fiend!"

 **Lambert** , _sighing and knowing from experience what Aiden is talking about_ : "You're lucky Lil'Bleater didn't eat your hair too."

 **Aiden** , _horrified_ : "That monster has a name!?"

 **Lambert** : "Unfortunately."


	6. The problem with Lady Letho

Kaer Morhen, the morning after the Cats sneaked in:

 **Lambert** , _whistling and smiling, enters the kitchen._

 **Letho** , _seeing an opportunity for a quick lesson_ : "Lambert, you're smiling! That means that you're experiencing happiness, right?"

_Eskel, Geralt and Vesemir all peer cautiously at Lambert._

**Lambert** , _spluttering_ : "No! That's my Aiden is nearby face! Nothing to do with happiness!"

Silence in the kitchen.

 **Lambert** : "I mean... I had a great dream about Aiden last night, didn't see him at all. Can I take two well-stacked plates back to my room? And quick question, just hypothetically, will there be anybody in the baths in the next hour who could see me, were I to smuggle a cat witcher that smells slightly of goat down there? Just out of curiosity."

Silence in the kitchen.

 **Guxart** , _whispering to Letho_ : "It's just so painful to watch."

 **Aiden** , _sighing tiredly from the rafters_ : "You didn't even hold out half a day, Lambert."

 **Lambert** : "Hey! It's not my fault Letho confused my Aiden's nearby face with a supposedly happy face. Everyone knows witchers don't have happy faces."

 **Letho** , _pointing his finger at Vesemir who's smiling at Guxart_ : "Vesemir has a happy face."

 **Vesemir** _loses his smile and glares at Letho_ : "No, I don't! It's my Guxart's nearby face! Stop trying to put feelings everywhere!"

 **Guxart** , _looking at Eskel and Geralt, lovingly staring into each other's eyes and feeding each other by hand_ : "And what is these two excuse then?"

 **Lambert** : "That's their constipated faces."

**Guxart** , later : “Okay Aiden, who else is here? There is no way you came alone. If you had thought of that on your own, you would have done it years ago.”

 **Aiden** , _immediately_ : “Hey!”

 **Aiden** , _after a moment_ : “No, wait that's fair.”

 **Dragonfly** _from right behind Guxart_ : "Boo."

One very high-pitched shriek of danger later:

 **Vesemir** , _walking in slowly, asking_ : “Okay Guxart, where's the spider?”

 **Guxart** : “I could have been in danger!”

 **Vesemir** : “This was not your danger scream. It was your spider shriek.”

 **Dragonfly** , _eyes twinkling_ : "What's that supposed to mean? Are you afraid of spiders, Guxart?”

Guxart finds spiders in his and Vesemir's room for the rest of the week.

After a week Vesemir stops finding it funny and threatens Dragonfly to stop.

His is the only threat she has ever respected.

Later:

 **Letho** : “Today we will try something different. Since she has unexpectedly appeared here, I have asked Dragonfly to assist me for a short demonstration of feelings. Dragonfly, how are you feeling today?”

 **Dragonfly** : “I am feeling good today. I'm happy to help out at this lesson and looking forward to what is going to happen here.”

_Eskel is taking notes in his diary._

Eskel's diary :

Lady Dragonfly is clearly feeling emotions. And she is a Witcher. But maybe the Lady Dragonfly can feel emotions because she is a woman? Maybe that's why there are no female Wolves. I think I may be on to something here.  
Side note: Is Letho a woman? Need to investigate further. And I should let Letho know that I support her(?) gender identity so that she knows I am a safe person to eventually come out to.

Later, after a duel, when they are alone:

 **Eskel** : “Truly a worthy fight, Lady Letho.”

 **Letho** , _confused_ : “Thanks?”

Later, in Eskels diary:

I made sure that we were alone before I respectfully gave Letho a hint that I know. I hope it helps.

Later again:

Gaetan and Letho are kissing when there's a knock on their door.

Gaetan hides. He is the only cat witcher not yet discovered and by now it’s a matter of pride to keep it that way.

Letho goes to open the door.

 **Letho** : "Eskel. Nice to see you."

 **Eskel** , _nodding respectfully in greeting_ : "Lady Letho."

 **Letho** , _flicking Eskel's forehead_ : "Quit the bullshit !"

 **Eskel** _whispers_ : "We're alone, you don't need to hide your true self, Lady Letho."

Gaetan has to cram his fist into his mouth lest he bursts out laughing.

 **Eskel** , _handing over a package_ : "I brought you a gift."

 **Letho** , _warily_ : "Thank you. It's not a bomb, is it?"

Eskel winks at him and leaves whistling.

Letho is definitely more scared than when Lambert left a crate full of bombs in front of his door. He closes the door, gingerly opens the package and finds a black dress, which seems to have been specifically tailored for him.

 **Letho** : "For fuck's sake."

 **Gaetan** , _awed whispering, big round interested eyes_ : "Scales."

 **Letho** , _thinking_ : _'Maybe this dress wasn't such a bad gift after all.'_

 **Gaetan** : "Remind me to find something nice for Eskel in spring as a thank you."

**Letho** , definitely later : “Eskel why do you keep calling me Lady Letho?”

 **Eskel** : “Because you have feelings obviously.”

 **Letho** : “Either I'm missing some crucial connection or you are trying to use 'woman' as an insult. If it's the second Dragonfly is going to take you out!”

 **Eskel** , _loud spluttering_ : "I wouldn't insult women! I don't want Neneke to tan my hide!"

Once again, later:

 **Dragonfly** : "So Eskel. We're working together today. How are you feeling?"

 **Eskel** , _confused_ : "Like usual, my lady."

 **Dragonfly** : "Please, Elaborate."

 **Eskel** : "Can I have an example?"

 **Dragonfly** : "Yes. I'm happy because I was allowed to sleep in this morning and I'm thrilled to spend the winter with you. Your turn."

 **Eskel** , _trying to please her_ : "I'm... probably feeling something ?"

 **Dragonfly** : "You don't sound so sure."

 **Eskel** , _shily, in a whisper_ : "Do you want the truth?"

 **Dragonfly** : "Please."

 **Eskel** , _looking around suspiciously and leaning forward to murmur_ : "I'm sorry to disappoint you and Lady Letho, but I'm not looking to become a woman. Therefore I can't have feelings."

Eskel leaves, very satisfied.

 **Dragonfly** , _confused_ : "What just happened here?"

Later:

 **Lambert** : “Aiden just told me he feels happy! What do I do?”

 **Eskel** : “Well obviously you support him and the fact that he has come out to you as female!”

 **Lambert** : “But Eskel I'm gay!”

Later:

 **Lambert** : "I know we had a good thing going on and I want you to know that I fully support you and wish you the best but I'm gay so I think we have to stop this.”

 **Aiden** : "????"

Seconds later:

 **Aiden** , _armed to the teeth_ : "Letho. This. Stops. Now.”

**Letho** , later : “I called this meeting today to clarify some things. And I really didn't think this would be a problem, but here we are. I absolutely couldn't fathom that this would be the thing that would lead to all this chaos but just to clarify. Both men and women can feel emotions. Feeling something does not make you a woman. I am not a woman just because I feel something. And if you feel something you aren't either."

 **Eskel** : “Does that mean you'll give back the dress?”

 **Gaetan** , _deciding this is worth blowing his cover for_ : “No!”

_Lambert startles so badly he throws the first thing he can get his hands on at Gaetan._

That happens to be an inkpot.

Lambert has amazing aim.

 **Gaetan** , _blue_ : “Why do you even have ink?”

 **Lambert** : "It's my special ink to reveal ghosts that I’m working on. You're just lucky Vesemir forbade me to make it indelible, this should wash off in about a week."

 **Gaetan** , _deadpan, blue_ : "Wow, great."

 **Letho** : “How would it reveal ghosts?”

 **Lambert** : "Well currently when it hits a ghost it turns invisible."

 **Gaetan** , _still blue_ : “That doesn't seem very helpful.”

 **Lambert** : “That’s why I'm still working on it.”

 **Geralt** : "Hm."

 **Eskel** and **Lambert** , _excited_ : "Holy shit! Really?"

 **Aiden** and _blue_ **Gaetan** : "What did he say?"

 _White-faced_ **Letho** : "He dropped an inkpot last week. The ink vanished before it could hit the ground."

 **Vesemir** : “The real question you should ask yourself now is: what was a ghost doing lying on the floor?”

 **Lambert** : "Taking a nap?"

 **Geralt** : "Hm?"

 **Letho** : "It can't die again if it's already dead."

 **Eskel** : "Trying to peek at Geralt's ass?"

 **Everyone** : ................

 **Eskel** : "What? It's the best ass."

_Geralt preens._

**Lambert** : “Maybe it was a very small ghost. Like a ghost bunny or a ghost cat.”

 **Aiden** : "Can we adopt it?"

 **Eskel** : “What grievance could a cat have that it would stay behind as a ghost?”

 **Aiden** : “Have you ever met a cat?”


End file.
